2009-03-30

Frank

I introduced you to Frank back in September last year, but let's color in the rest of the numbers.
I would say "we met", but that would imply we became something after that, friends, a couple, lovers... Let's instead say I met Frank in 2005 and it was like coming across the most rare piece, the one that will make your collection complete, the rug that will bring the room together... I was consumed by the need to aquire from that moment on.
You may find it odd that I speak of him as an artifact, but I assure you, it's much worse than that. We'll get to that some other day, though.
It was a friendship of sorts, I wanted him to love me and settled for the less ambitious wanting him to want me as a friend
You see how it's lopsided from the start? It stayed like that. Pursuing this relationship has been one of the most destructive behaviors I've engaged in, besides the cutting, suicidal stuff, alcohol ...
Hmm, yeah.
I'm sure there's a clinical term that makes it sound pathetic, like "fixating".
I've exasperated, and in some cases alienated, people by not heading the very sound advice of "he's a jerk, just let go".
People tend to be impatient, though, I mean, we're impatient... we really hate it when someone comes to us complaining about the same thing over and over. The solution is so obvious, it's like she doesn't want to fix it. She's like totally doing it to herself. OMG, just STFU about Frank already.
Now, you may have noticed that while I intended to introduce you to Frank I kind of just talked about myself. That's what this blog is for, me talking about myself
I'm sharing this so that you can't roll your eyes when you realize how self-centered I am. See, you can't discover something I already told you and then use it against me to discredit and dismiss me.
... Which, coincidentally, is one of the things Frank does ....
Say we were having a bit of a disagreement about women in battle, and I said to you that my feminist glasses effect that way I view facts. For example, I'd say, I might be more sceptical about statistics if they confirm something I suspect isn't true. I might suggest that the statistics gathering process itself is flawed because it comes out traditional ideas about gender and gender roles....
It's like when a reporter asks an athlete, "How awesome was that win?!"
Well.
How do you think women's lesser physical strength will impact their ability to carry fallen male comrades off of the battle field?
"There is something wrong with that question", I'd say, "granted, my feminist views tend to make me more sensitive to leading questions such as this one..."
Frank would pounce, as if I was Denmark and he could smell something rotten; I'm biased and irrational and I'm questioning data that everyone agrees is correct. It's like I'm the climate change denier screaming in the face of 97% of the scientific community, he'd tell me.
Though not that eloquently.
It's hard to be eloquent when you're angry and want to deal your enemy the lethal blow with all the disdainful condescension you can muster.
"I mean, come on, you're totally blind sighted by Andrea Dworkin."
Um, hello? You don't get to use my "full disclosure" to invalidate my opinions or to disallow me having an opinion at all.
- I don't know much about fishing, but I think it's pretty barbaric....
- You don't know what you're talking about, you don't know anything about fishing!
That's Frank for you, attacking the opponent not the oppinion with the disclaimers provided by the opponent.
Frank and I don't talk any more. Mostly because he isn't talking to me.
It needs to be said that I wasn't stalking him, it was a reciprocal and very intense relationship, we talked many hours every day, but demand and supply was always in his favor.
Even though we're no longer even friends of sorts, he is in my head -- not just on my mind -- he's carrying on these stupid arguments and I just can't win. It's driving me crazy.

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