He disappeared from my list of Facebook friends. I keep checking it, hoping I got the alphabet wrong or something.
I know, it's been troublesome. He has not been what I would have wanted or hoped for in a friend. I've often felt like the backup, the hookup, the last ditch I-don't-want-to-face-the-apartment person.
And I have resented that a lot. And I have told myself it's not true, that's it's more complicated than that.
But now that I am sitting down facing this final rejection, it's all that that comes back, and I am so incredibly sad that I wasn't good for more, that I didn't even get a good bye.
Or, as they say, I really wanted him to like me and I tried so hard to make it happen.
EDIT (later): I hate the whole anger sadness bitterness roller coaster thingy. I wish I could skip directly to nostalgic indifference. But my brain wants to go down the road of WHY CAN'T HE JUST SAY WHAT IS WRONG?
I am tired. Sad. Fine there is something wrong with me. I am not able to connect with the people who care and equally unable to entice the others. So, let's just take some pills and go to sleep.