2012-11-05

Colonoscopy, but not tonight

I was going to write about all of the things you don't want to know about colonoscopies, by which I mean the prep. Do you realize the AMOUNT of laxatives involved? You don't. And the gallons (seriously) of liquids. On the bright side, you'll be full even though you don't get to eat. On the flip side, it's hard to chug the next 32 ounces of liquid you MUST drink within the next hour.

Also, your blood sugar will drop, and you won't get it, because FULL!, and you'll get all shake and fuzzy around the edges, and because you have a bizarre urge to go running, you figure maybe you're going manic and you stir up heaven and earth just to feel better after a pint of heavy vegetable bouillon.

Better safe then sorry, maybe. Don't call me.

After new interesting pains and serious bloating, worries about what might be wrong start to creep in. Why pregnant belly when it's all sports drink? What the hell is keeping it all in there? And yeah, truly STAYING in there because scale says +8 lbs since Friday. Not the expected result of a colon-cleans.

Also, regarding Frank, disappointed, bitter, angry. At some point I presume I'll stop caring, and it'll be all over. Solitary confinement, that's what sparked it. Who knew it was such a divisive issue, but then all issues divide Frank and me. Friendship based on distrust. Hey hoo.

I have 12 voice mail. No, not popular, I just haven't listened to any for three weeks. Anxiety. Speaking of which, need to cancel therapy appointment tomorrow in favor of ingesting more laxatives and having a camera shoved up my bum. I could have avoided that late charge. Sigh.

ADDENDUM: I plan to eat a 7 ounce marzipan sausage tomorrow after the colonoscopy. I put it in my night table drawer just in case I am too doped up to locate the kitchen.

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