I am in a precarious financial situation. I made a decision a few years ago that tied my financial situation to someone else's. A person that's not financially stable. It was a bad decision, and although, aside from a fairly substantial loss of money, things have been ok so far -- all bills are paid, I have emergency savings, no bankruptcy is looming -- every so often I am reminded of how vulnerable I am.
Low balances, another loan asked for, this time it was an overdraft on a shared account.
So, there is the worry. Will it turn antagonistic? Will I have to go to court to sort it out? Will my life unravel into screaming anguish?
I understand very well why people commit suicide over money (it's not just because suicide is my default out). The fear is nightmarish, food tastes like ash, reality looses its solidity. Money is the very foundation on which we stand, take that away and we're in free-fall.
It's times like this I miss Ted, but he is getting married in July next year. Yesterday, I was happy that he's moved on to better things. Today I want to beg him to take care of me. As bad as things were, I felt safe with him.
I wish I had someone, anyone, that could hold me and tell it'll be OK.