I don't want to do this anymore

It's never going to get better with Frank and I.

I keep trying. I analyze, I ask questions, I explain, I apologize. I tell him how important our friendship is. I keep looking for common ground and if I can't find any I give up some of mine. I tell myself it's ok, it's worth it. It's worth all this energy navigating around the Bermuda triangle of his defensiveness.

Because. It. Just. Is.

But it doesn't matter what I do or how I explain it to myself. At the end of the day I am still wondering why I am not worth the same effort. Why am I not good enough? Every time we fuck I feel like a prostitute. But, of course, prostitutes get paid.

I'm sure it's all implicit -- we're still kinda sorta talking after so many bitter fights -- so of course he cares.


How is a friend who can't say he wants to be a friend better than loneliness?

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