as it turms out

i care. and it hurts. and i don't want to care. i want to cut the throat of this neediness. it's been like this for years. disapointment, sadness, bitterness.

i can't straight in the face of it, i want to lash out, as if what i have to say carries any weight.

better then that i take care of myself and do those things that'll make me feel good or better or whatever else kind of feeling there is beyond this bitterness.

i wish that holding on to oneself didn't feel so much like drowning.

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