I just had a deeply alienating conversation. It went like this:
kagero: I finally setlled on a piano and bought one.
kagero: Roland RF 7F
f: the one-piece three pedal attachment is nice
f: not standard, but available
kagero: I got a bundle
f: it's really motherfucking expensive
f: I hope you got a good deal on it
f: holy fuck
kagero: no pedal, I just got the bundle for the stand
kagero: there are no good deals avaiable
kagero: the best you can hope for is that they include stuff
kagero: It was between this one and a kawai mp6
f: why on earth did you buy a two thousand dollar piano keyboard?!
kagero: some ppl seem to like the kawai better, and it's cheaper
f: not that you can't buy whatever you want, but you do talk about money being tight
f: you better turn into Beethoven, dropping cash like that ;) .
I was expecting the disbelief. After all I could barely believe that I did that myself. I got a tax refund this year, so I figured why not.
kagero: tax refund
kagero: the kawai mp6 doesn't have built in speakers
kagero: I guess I wanted to own something nice.
f: it's definitely nice
f: you gonna take lessons?
kagero: I am taking accordion lessons. Naomi suggested getting a keyboard to supplement.
f: so you're buying used accordions
f: but a two thousand dollar keyboard :) .
f: interesting calculus there
kagero: I considered also buying $2k accordion but I decided against it
f: a keyboard feels more versatile than an accordion in my brain
f: so maybe it's worth it
At "interesting calculus" I got annoyed, and it got worse. I got more annoyed and then depressed.
f: the accordion is your primary instrument, right?
kagero: I don't have a primary instrument, I just started palying
f: I'm sure you're over this topic, but I have seized upon this part of it as the most intriguing part
f: you are learning how to play the accordion, you're not trying to learn how to play the piano … I guess I meant that
f: I can see you getting annoyed at me having the nerve to ask such questions
kagero: [...] I had no good reason to buy anything more expensive than a $100 keyboard. But I decided on a digital piano. And then on getting a good one. Just because. I still want to learn to play the piano, but again, no good reason to go for anything expensive. I decided to do it anyway, because I can afford it.
After I explained that I decided on the Roland because I could afford it this conversation could have ended, but it didn't because:
f: well, more power to ya
f: I don't get it, but I don't have to :) .
What's not to get? At this point the defensive but-you-did-it-too really kicked it.
kagero: I don't think it's that difficult. Why did you spend the money you did on your casio?
f: it was cheap and I wanted to learn how to play piano
kagero: I guess that depends on how you dwefine cheap
f: I got the cheapest weighted keyboard available
f: and I got the instrument I intended to play, not an instrument intended to help me learn another instrument
kagero: but why buy a weighted piano at all?
f: because that's more like a real piano than the non-weighted
f: and I want to learn how to play *piano*
f: I don't follow the logic you're going after here
f: I want to learn how to play piano, so I buy a cheap decent piano
f: you want to learn how to play accordion
f: you buy used accordions
f: someone suggests you get a keyboard to help you play accordion
f: and you get an expensive really nice piano keyboard
f: if I bought a baby grand, your logic would make perfect sense
f: or if I bought my piano to help me play guitar better
The Casio Privia PX-130 was not the cheapest weighted piano available. It cost about $500 (MSRP $699) and a new one still does (you can get on on B&H Photography for $400) even though it came onto the market in 2010. It's still considered best in its class (among lower end digital pianos). Its resell value on ebay is $280, but it's pretty hard to snag one at below $300. Believe me, I've tried.
I went on to suggest that any keyboard would have done the job, unless you plan on playing an acoustic piano.
f: sure, but I was advised weighted > non-weighted
f: and it makes sense to me
f: I don't know why you're dissecting this … there's no parallel
f: and there's no problem … you're a grown ass woman, you can do what you want :) .
kagero: Sure there is a parallel. There is no need in either case, just an arbitrary decision that better is better.
f: whatever lets you sleep at night :) .
Unless it's literally the same it's not the same.
It's the condescending attitude that's triggering, but why? I expected this, and I fairly certain I expected the my-choices-are-logical-while-yours-are-not attitude as well.
Mistrustful: it feels like f'd intention is to make me feel bad.
Frustrated: cannot get any acknowledgement for my point of view
Aggravated: it appears that a different set of rules apply for f, ie it's ok for him to state things absolutely without justification or explanation
Disappointment: I enter conversations believing that I can make myself heard if I try hard enough
Indignant: I'm being condescended to.
Resentful: bitter about the above.
Contempt: feeling put down upon I feel contempt for f, his inconsistencies, lack of honesty, self awareness, his hubris
Alienated: there is no connection here, just a conversation where i'm feeling criticized and condescended to
Discouraged: it seems like there is no way to make me self heard and understood
Dejected: the fact that he keeps going on when I am clearly upset indicated his lack of concern for me
Hopeless/Helpless: I can't change this situation because he doesn't care what I feel,
To understand and be understood
Did this help? It surprised me that I feel unappreciated and uncared for and that I feel such strong lack of affection.