2012-03-27

So Many Poems


I always wanted to write, or so it seems after some mildy revisionist remembering. In middle school I started filling stolen exercise-books with anguished poems and reflections. I didn't excel during class. I was a lousy speller, almost certainly dyslexic but not diagnosed. Despite being a prolific reader my linguistic skills were considered "below average". I envied and tried to copy those of my classmates whose work was exalted and read aloud. Eventually, unable to deconstruct their success, I became fatalistic about the whole thing: some had it, some did not.

Later I wrote many more anguished poems, and later still I studied journalism at the University of S. It didn't stick. Oh, I still wanted to write, but the intense competition made me shrink into myself. I ended up a programmer in Silicon Valley. No need to ask tough questions of a computer.

Still I want to write, even though I find myself in a foreign country using a language not my own. I want to learn.

2 comments:

  1. I'm checking if I'm connecting with what you wrote. You're welcome to comment on my in/ability to understand you, by confirming/adding to/correcting my interpretations of what you wrote on your blog post :)

    What I hear when I read you:

    It sounds like reading and writing is a great passion of yours, and that writing has fulfilled a need for self-discovery and self-expression in you, and that it's been a way for you to process difficult and overwhelming situations in your life. You would like to find an expression that is true to yourself, and a way that would stimulate a sense of beauty and clarity in the reader. You would like to be seen and received with appreciation.

    Am I anywhere near?

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  2. I'm still trying to see if I understand you in a way you recognize yourself in:

    From what I'm reading now, in your comment,

    it sounds to me like you have some disappointment? frustration? sadness? around thoughts that come up in you, narrowing down the options of self-confidence to external acceptance by fitting into norms that you don't necessarily value. It sounds like you long for freedom, and

    it sounds like you want a self-confidence in your expression, based on values such as, not only, finding acceptance of diversity, but also beauty and joy in that which makes us unique. A self-confidence rooted in an understanding and wisdom that we are all special and matter and that we are all interesting in our quirkiness.

    does any of this resonate with you?

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