2011-06-16

You're A Hateful Bunch Aren't You

I am exhausted by the anger and resentment broiling away in my head. I cant't seem to stop fueling it with cynical forecasts and bitter observations.
  • How do you forgive people you know will not respond to your emails?
  • How do you prevent the knowledge that others use you to validate themselves from poisoning you toward them?
  • How do stop yourself from making sarcastic remarks to your project manager about the absence of interest from your boss?
It's Been Awhile [Explicit]
  • How do you let go when someone cancels a meeting 35 minutes in advance when you got up at six thirty and you didn't want to go yourself?
  • How do you stop hating people for not appreciating the things they have no idea you're doing for them?
  • How do you prevent feeling cheated when your efforts don't pay off?
  • How do you sit down and turn off the churning in your mind without Lorazepam?
  • How do your suppress the feeling of resentful abandonment when your therapist shooes you out of her office because you're 25 minutes over time?
  • How do you stop the automatic theorizing about other people's feelings and motivations?
  • How do you prevent yourself from responding with fury to the feelings you assign others?
  • How do you unlearn learned helplessness?
  • How do you stop feeling a victim of others indifference and disrespect?
  • How do you listen to "you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" without going into an emotional tailspin that will last for days?
  • How do you accept the double whammy of having your issues remain unaddressed and being no fun because you're so angry?
  • How to your prevent suspicions of other's faithlessness from making you hide behind doors?
  • How do you deal with being called hostile by someone obviously trying to catch you out?
  • How do keep your sense of reality, accept other people's refusal to acknowledge it, and not become a hermit?
  • How do you not hate someone who insists on blaming your irritation on your period, your medication, your general mood, your physical well being, anything! but the reason you have verbalized?
  • How do you stop people's stereotypes from eating away at you?
  • How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

2 comments:

  1. As I've been taught:

    Step 1: Don't try and stop it. Trying to stop anxiety or negative thoughts is like trying not to think of an elephant - the more you try to stop it, the more you are actually reinforcing those thoughts.

    Step 2: Write down your negative thoughts, and then next to them, write REALISTIC arguments against them. I.e.:

    "my therapist hates me and doesn't care about me" - "actually, my therapist let me stay 25 minutes overtime, which she didn't have to do."

    Oddly, the most healing thoughts are not necessarily the positive once, but the factual ones.

    Step 3 (the hardest): Accept that you are not responsible for the actions or behavior of others. Everyone is just out there trying to meet their own needs. All you can do is try to meet your own as much as possible. If you can help someone else meet THEIR own needs (for love, for praise, for positive interaction) you help free up some space for them to reciprocate. But if they can't, that's ok... because they have to deal with their own stuff first, just as you have to deal with YOUR own stuff first.

    Everyone is out there feeling unloved and wanting their needs met. When you understand that, it becomes a lot harder to be angry with them for feeling the way you, yourself do.

    Easy say, hard do, I know, trust me. But those are the steps.

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  2. I need to stop with the crazy sentence structures.

    ReplyDelete