2011-06-27

On Bitchitude & Common Traits

I don't really want to post this. It's embarrassing that i am still at it and part of me thinks I'll have a better chance of getting a response if I don't. But, if I can't be honest with myself then on whom can I bestow that honor? On the other hand, why should I be embarrassed that I want someone with whom I have spent endless hours talking (over years!) to acknowledge me as a person? Why are we supposed to be able to let go so easily? Why is it pathetic and weak to care and want to be cared for? On the third hand, I wish I could just let it go, for my peace of mind and happiness.

Subject: On bitchitude & common traits
From: Kagero
To: Frank

Frank,

I posted a personal on Craigslist last night and got flagged for removal within 30 minutes. My second, slightly edited, ad lasted almost 20 hours. In that time I got four responses, none of which contained actual sentences, nor any indication that the responder thought my ad was funny. As far as I can tell, from reading the unofficial flagging FAQ, the ads were removed for "bitchitude." I've included the original ad for your edification (and for a laugh at my expense.)

Recently, in an IM discussion when trying to clarify my position Ted told me that I am "always so hostile," and "that can't be helpful." I made amends by apologizing profusely, mostly because I am approaching zero acquaintances with whom I can have actual conversations.

ViolinNow, I get that this a problem with me, that by refusing to accept how I am perceived and taking the obvious step of polishing the sharp edges off I elicit this response; that intention doesn't matter. I just don't know how to change. I have only two ways to deal with things that bother me: ignore them and trying to set things straight. The first tends to drive me crazy, because there is no ignoring and forgetting. The second, well, it's impossible to set things straight when people experience you as hostile.

Of course, it would be in my interest to do some polishing since I obsess incessantly when I feel misunderstood.

So, why am I telling you this? I am not trying to deny that I have been hostile to you. Nor am apologizing for my behavior. Instead, I am appealing to your shared experience, because I know things can be very similar for you. I am also admitting that you're not the only asshole. If that's too little, too late, then it is (although, I can't promise a cessation of emails. I can try, but that's what I have been doing so far, and as you surely have noticed my impulse control is not 100%. Perhaps you can simply filter to Trash.)

But should you find that you're missing me as well, well, then perhaps there is something to talk about still.

Yours unrepentantly bitchily,

        Kagero.

SympathizeDate:[]
PostID:[]
Title:(women seeking men) Uptight & Complicated

Hi Available Men,

I am 5'6", white and weight 180 lbs. I'd like you to look like Idris Elba with dreads. If you don't that's OK, I aim high. Just know that's about whom I'll be fantasizing.

Still with me? Excellent.

Do you like xkcd? Do you not get it sometimes? How about a softer world? Lolcatz?
Do you read books but still troll netflix for Canadian and British crime shows?
Can you spot my comma errors? Do they bug you?
Does some of the ads in Rants & Raves make you laugh out loud even as you're outraged by the entitled xenophobia expressed within?
Did you find any grammatical errors in the previous sentence?
Is there anything wrong with the expression "reversed racism?"
Would you describe yourself as laid back, down to earth, and an avid user of 420? Is that the type of person you're looking for?
Do racism, sexism, ageism and homophobia have anything in common?
Are you interested in gender roles but bored with stereotyping?
Are you allergic to cats?
Is everything that's awesome about George Gently in the TV show absent in the books?
Do you often use the word drama to refer to something other than "a story involving conflict or contrast of character, especially one intended to be acted?"
Do you get embarrassed on the behalf of others? Do you find that strange?
Why does the punctuation go inside the quotes?

And dude, you have to be single. I swear to god, if you're "polyamorous" I'll cut your cock off.

Location: off my meds
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

2 comments:

  1. Btw, the first song, Amos Lee's Violin, Frank would love that. The fact that I can't share it with him is one of those little silly things that make me want to cry.

    It's no coincidence that women wants to fuck singers and poets. Those are men expressing their emotional lives in a way men usually don't. Women's emotional expressiveness and men's emotional desert may be learned behaviors but boy do they mess up marriages.

    Frank's love for dirges is perhaps the closest he comes actually expressing emotion but it totally works on me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Grr, why can't I edit my comments? How can I make grammar look effortless when I can't fix my mistakes?

    ReplyDelete