2011-05-06

Effexor & Anxiety

A Blog Entry in Which I Also Discuss Bowel Movements

My stomach hasn't been right since forgetting to refill Effexor last time. It didn't recover even when, like a good girl -- desperate from withdrawal symptoms -- I started taking my pills again. As I reflected on the effect on my health and the emotional experience -- I appear to be missing out on feelings other than irritation and anger -- I decided to ween off the drug altogether.

Effexor XR, err generic venlafaxin XR, comes in orange capsules filled to the brim with little white pearls. To reduce the dose you take the capsule apart, pour some out and put it back together. The construction of the capsule with the pearls inside is what makes it eXtended Release. You don't digest them all in the same time. After some time, a couple of weeks, you pour out some more pearls, and so on. Simple enough. Especially if you're patient and focused like I am.

Usually I don't attribute feelings to inanimate objects. I don't indulge in magical thinking and I get irritated when other people do. In this case though I think it's safe to say that Effexor is a vengeful drug.

Every morning I take my half a pill and drink my coffee and 20 minutes later I am sitting on the toilet, nauseous, having a smelly, loose, somewhat undigested bowel movement. The kind where (where or were?) you simply can't wipe enough to get clean. 

Admittedly, this is an improvement for me since I have been shitting rock hard rabbit pellets since I was a teen-ager. Often being irregular to the point where I go only every second week. However, I take exception to the nausea, ok? I have been hoarding anti nausea Cola Syrup (because I hate artificial cherry and they always seem on the verge of running out of the cola). I bet the pharmacy people think I am pregnant by now. I am sure beginning to think it despite the absolute absence of viable sperm. What's worse is the sick is beginning to linger. I make these lovely visits stinking up the washroom at work all day long.

A couple of days ago I decided to check if it could get worse if I stopped taking the Effexor. Seriously, who wouldn't think that'd work? As it turns out, not good. Very vidid dreams have made a come back, headache, more nausea. I capitulated and did some pearl piddling an hour ago. Ugh.

I stopped taking the Lithium too. I suppose some of the symptoms could be from that... I haven't noticed anything else obvious though aside from an increase in obsessive impulse shopping at Amazon. Presumably I'll stop when I run out of money.

On to anxiety. I need to do stuff at work and I haven't. I am driving myself crazy putting it off but as soon as I decide to Just Do It panic starts to rise. I don't know why. On the surface these tasks are not super complicated: I need to get a handle on what needs to be done, send a few emails and go back to what I was doing before. What am I so afraid of? Ugh. Ugh.

Any day now my boss will stop by to say it's not working out.

When I talk to Sergey about it he tells me it's OK, I am a pretty girl, I can [not] do anything. 

Yes, it does occur to me that the anxiety could be related to the medication.

*sigh* How can I plug Amazon merchandize if the Amazon Associates widget refuses to initialize? I intended to link to Bush's Everything Zen, but blogger turned all anti capitalist on me.

[Edit 2011 05 06] It's worth noting that it was Chrome's extension AdBlock that was disabling the Amazon widget.

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