Stargirl

I haven't cried like this in ages.

I have been so tired and angry lately. Everyday, as soon as I get home from work I have curled up in the papasan chair with "food" dripping with lard and the cat on my lap. I have battled messily with the ipad and hulu and netflix in search of some TV show not too challenging.

I have stuffed myself until sick, and I have sworn every night to stop. All I can say is that at least it's thousands of calories of something other than candy.

It feels good to cry feel. Even though the urge to cut is now lurking.

I have decided to ween off the Effexor. Yes, on my own. Every day I take the capsule apart and pour out about half of the pearls. I haven't had the energy to write. After the feeding frenzies I have snuck off to bed at 9:30.

I try to hack it but I don't know if I will. Maybe I am not trying hard enough or too hard, or perhaps my expectations are all wrong. All the fighting is wearing me down.