2011-04-19

Priorities

Recently, I noticed someone from my old job had unfriended me on Facebook. Although not heartbroken - I had already hidden her feed - I was rather surprised. F is one of those hyper-enthusiastic people, especially when drunk. She will overwhelm you with her assessments of you positive character traits, sprinkled with earnest you-should-knows about your negative ones, followed by intricate advice.

F is one of a couple of people who has told me to keep in touch, "We should keep in touch!" whom I have immediately dismissed as completely insincere. So, when Facebook suggested I should add her as a friend I was surprised, not so much because I thought she really liked me, but because I thought even she would squirm a little at the hypocrisy.

She is very pretty. As she gets drunker her body language will become more expressive and sensual, and she will describe in detail how she made every head turn walking back from the restroom. She divides the world into beautiful and ugly people.

Once when she and I both were very intoxicated I brought her with me home so she'd sleep it off rather than drive. And she talked and talked about how she wanted to fuck our boss, M, and how her boyfriend was jealous because she wouldn't shut up about M. "You've got a crush on him," he'd accuse, and to me she confessed that yes, that was so.

I never liked her much. I couldn't understand how she could take so seriously a life that revolved around which men desired her and getting drunk.

Needless to say, now as I sit here wondering why Frank's handle is suddenly appearing on my IM again, I am aware of the irony. There is probably nothing really awful about F, it's just that she remind me so much of myself. It always makes me uncomfortable to experience of how vain and stupid I must seem. What really gets me though, is that to her I am one of the ugly people.

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