2011-04-08

Pants Pooping Friday

My stomach it really upset. I don't know if it's from eating an entire loaf of high fiber mana bread last night, but my farts are not safe.

Withdrawal from Effexor could also account for my stomach problems. I have yet to figure out a good and efficient way to do refills. Anything that depends on me taking action tends to be procrastinated upon until a state of emergency is a fact.

I am a few days without Effexor now. The symptoms are pronounced: every time I move the involved muscles tingle. When I get startled I get intense fear-tingles throughout my body. It literally feels like I got away with my life when the cat unexpectedly pokes me with its paw.

There are many anecdotes about the withdrawal effects of Effexor on the Interwebs and they are all true. In addition to electric sensations in the body and head, impaired cognitive ability, chills, and other neat stuff people have reported, I get these amazingly vivid dreams which cling to memory in a totally undreamish way.

808s & HeartbreakThey're mostly semi nightmares, meaning they're not outright terrifying, but there is a sense of discomfort and unease, however; there have also been some awesome sex dreams. This morning I was trying to deep throat a two foot long cock, attached to some hybrid of Kanye West and an anonymous dream personality. It was hot, except for the base of the penis which was covered in some nasty looking white goo.

Another unusual thing about these dreams is that they are serial. They continue with the same cast and crew when I go back to sleep - even 18 hours later. That's seriously messed up. No, the dream is not repeating, I continued the dream I have yesterday morning when I got to sleep last night.

Yeah, I'll need to get to the pharmacy today, or all future sexual encounters will be dwarfed by Anonymous Dream Personality.

Update on Frank
No, change with regards to Frank. Although I am finally beginning to define the role he played in my life. It turns out I spoke to him about things I generally didn't with anyone else. They were often not things of great emotional importance per se, it's just that we had a rapport. We had continuous interactions over IM 24 hour/day. He was, as it turns out, my life partner, the presence I always counted on, even when not fulfilling, or encouraging, or appreciative... Yeah, he was my family. It is so tempting to go back to that.

It's not trivial or binary. I love Frank, even his foibles, perhaps those especially, because there is nothing that makes someone seem so vulnerable as vanity and insecurity. I have to keep reminding myself that's it's my insecurities, and the lack of reciprocity on his part, that makes it intolerable to have any kind of relationship with him. I am not able to love unconditionally.

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