I got my refill yesterday, finally. It's unsettling the difference it makes. The tingling is gone, and the nausea and dizziness. I am hungry for solid foods and able to focus on the screen without an unpleasant lurching in my stomach as the world tips over.
Gone is also the enhanced empathy that allowed me to interact in a more relaxed manner with Sergey, that brought tears to my eyes when I read SAA's mission statement, and that left me giggling like an insane person when listening to Friday Night Comedy from BBC (to the consternation of the other people waiting for the train).
Yesterday, thoughts of my failures as a friend and human were circling my mind like vultures. I made several heartfelt attempts at reaching out and starting anew with a number of people that I have let go. Now, well, it seems less pressing.
I liked the person I was yesterday, minus the anxiety and the suspicion that no one really likes me and that I am quite useless. Today I am not useless.
Today, I am back to impatient when faced with people's idiosyncrasies, having to suppress my anger when people underestimate my intellectual capacity.
I can't tell who I really am.