Back on Effexor

I got my refill yesterday, finally. It's unsettling the difference it makes. The tingling is gone, and the nausea and dizziness. I am hungry for solid foods and able to focus on the screen without an unpleasant lurching in my stomach as the world tips over.

Bitter Sweet SymphonyGone is also the enhanced empathy that allowed me to interact in a more relaxed manner with Sergey, that brought tears to my eyes when I read SAA's mission statement, and that left me giggling like an insane person when listening to Friday Night Comedy from BBC (to the consternation of the other people waiting for the train).

Yesterday, thoughts of my failures as a friend and human were circling my mind like vultures. I made several heartfelt attempts at reaching out and starting anew with a number of people that I have let go. Now, well, it seems less pressing.

I liked the person I was yesterday, minus the anxiety and the suspicion that no one really likes me and that I am quite useless. Today I am not useless.

Today, I am back to impatient when faced with people's idiosyncrasies, having to suppress my anger when people underestimate my intellectual capacity.

I can't tell who I really am.


  1. Both. And neither. We tend to think that our emotions define us, but they don't. They're just bodily functions, like digestion.

  2. If you're not scared off by sciencey reading, there's a book called "Why Love Matters" by Sue Gerhardt that really changes the way you look at emotions (it's a bit of a misnomer - you can tell her publisher picked the title). It's about how emotions work, and how our brain processes them, and how that process affects our physiological and emotional lives.

    Her focus is how this process develops in the first few years of life, so it's aimed at parents, but it's one of those books that makes you go "ooohhhhhh..."

    But it IS very sciencey.

  3. I love sciency. Thank you, I got the Kindle addition.