I still haven't refilled my Effexor. I feel awful, physically speaking that is. I might as well clarify that since my complaints are usually of mental anguish. I feel feverish, but my extremities are frozen. I have to run to the bathroom, clenching, at regular intervals. I am shivering. If I move too fast, like just now when I shook my head at my own silliness, I get goosebumps. Still the electric sensations in my body and head, but now I feel dizzy too; earlier when trying to read my monitor I got a really unsettling sense of vertigo as the text seemed to wobble and bulge.
It's like I am having the worst hang-over.
Makes me wonder what the hell it is I have been taking.
Along with the brain zaps, a thought has kept re-occurring to me the last couple of days. In his last email to me Frank wrote that he looked forward to reading about how my life was so much better without him in this blog.
And I say to you Sir: "If only!"
Like my therapist I am convinced that in the long run my life will be better, once I have gotten through the weepies and stopped riffling though the Interwebs to catch a glimpse of life. What brought me to the point of requesting reciprocity was his lack of interest in me (Hello!! Do you see me?) He'll never be back to this blog - just like he was not interested enough to follow me on Google reader (out of politeness to avoid hurting my feelings even).
Coming back to my blog would be an improvement. It would suggest I mean something to him. It would be an unprecedented invitation to friendship-negotiations, almost like saying "Ok, I really can't do the Facebook thing because you seem insane and unstable, but what could I do instead?"