2011-03-04

Ritalin

The Amphetamine Debate: The Use of Adderall, Ritalin and Related Drugs for Behavior Modification, Neuroenhancement and Anti-Aging PurposesI am by no means advocating self-medication, but... I have had a few days of relative mood even-ness, I feel so optimistic...

For as long as I can remember I have slept way the fuck too much: I didn't go to work Friday last week, instead I slept til 3 pm, went back to sleep at 9 pm, got up, groggily, around 4 pm on Saturday, went to bed around midnight and got up at 3 pm on Sunday. See what I am saying? And no, I don't have trouble going to sleep and staying asleep.

I don't exactly sit at my computer nodding off (re: Epworth Sleepiness Scale), it's just that I can't concentrate and everything is so heavy and my brain feels like syrup and I can't remember anything, let alone why being awake is better than being asleep, and I'd rather just lie down. So, I do.

A crazy ass, over-achiever friend of mind told me he is taking Ritalin. So, I figured, if he can buy that stuff on the Interwebs, eat it and not die, and even get something out of it, then so can I. I went online and ordered some. It took forever to build up the courage to take it - I am fearful and fussy - but I finally did. It truly did keep me up all night (I took it in the afternoon), and I learned a lot about personality disorders. It was fantastic.

After finally admitting to my therapist that I have been adding Ritalin to my other meds, and her saying, "well, if it's not Ritalin it's probably speed", and generally not being overly concerned, I figured that I should actually give it a real go. So, since Monday (today is Friday) I have been taking 200mg in the morning. I decided that because it's so damn hard to get out of bed I'll take it when the alarm goes off at 7 am and then it might have started working by 8 and I should have a reasonable chance of not calling into work "sick" because I can't get my ass out of bed.

And it's fucking working. Not only do I generally feel good, not morose, angry or super irritable, but I can also concentrate on stuff without my eyes glazing over and my mouse sort of slipping on the Google Reader bookmark.

Ok, what if it doesn't last? I don't know; there are always the train tracks.

I want to convince my doc to prescribe this stuff for me.

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