2009-11-29

winding myself up

I talked myself into and have pretty much talked myself out of going to AA tonight. Will it do something for me? I don't know. The most action oriented thing I have done in days is take a shower. Maybe in a little while I'll take another shower and see if that makes the decision any more obvious.

I curled up in my chair and cried in an anguished sort of way after watching Grey's Anatomy. "Sometimes you just have to take chance." I sent the ex a text message "I miss you." No replies. There could be so many reasons I am not even going to bother to dwell. Chances never work out like that. I should know better, never take your cues from TV shows.

I wish Vellum was a bit more easy to read. The sudden throws here and there are not good for my shortened attention span. I made this random decision to stop watching TV while in bed trying to play online poker. But I don't think it'll happen.

I tried going back to sleep this afternoon but I couldn't. I am tired but I can't sleep. I really shouldn't be tired since I sleep so much, but I keep yawning and yawning.

I think I have slipped a little bit further because I keep bothering the cat. I used to do that a long time ago when things were really bad, but not so much in say the last ten years. I am not talking torture here, just holding her against her will, and going sort of spastic with the baby talk. I need to take my meds. In fact I need to get refills.

Ok, this is what I'll do. I'll makeshift fix the litter box, maybe straighten the kitchen out a bit, take a shower and then decide about AA.

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