2008-11-10

Reality Check

I am daydreaming ceaslessly. My therapist asked me rhetorically how we could tease me out of my fantasy-world into the real world. She said we must make the real world seem safe enough. Did she say anything about exciting enough? I don't remember, but she should have. The real world is so empty and bland in comparison.

In my fantasy I am in a club and Frank's there. I am georgeous and he wants me, of course! He asks me to dance. I re-play the following moment over and over: I spurn him wittly, then sadly, then meanly, then I say yes, then I say "give me a reason to say yes," then I spend wonderful moments imagining myself in his arms. The variations are endless. I can keep at this forever.

In reality, I am sitting alone at my station waiting for my train.The rain is drizzling down. It's dark even though it's early because we just changed to stardard time. A car crosses the tracks now and then. Noone's smiling, they're sitting, standing, walking around staring into space or their electronic devices. It smells faintly like garlic, probably from the restaurant next door...now tell me doesn't the low light and pulsing beat and sweating bodies of a night-club seem more compelling to you, even if it isn't real?

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