2008-10-30

An Introduction

I have been in an emotionally abusive friendship with a man, let's call him Frank, for several years, and my husband, let's call him Ted, is turned on by sexual violence.

I have recently ended my relationship with Frank and it has left me spinning. I am like a junkie desperate for a fix. I have tried to break with Frank before, but this time I am trying harder, I know my blind-spots. He will keep hurting me if I let him.

This morning I told Ted in what I hope was a gentle and reasonable way that I don't think it is fair that I should be in actual pain to give him pleasure. Anal sex hurts, even with plenty of lubricant. There has got to be some kind of compromise.

Ted and Frank are the main characters in my life. I wish I could say I am an accomplished something but I am not.

Because the break-up with Frank is so recent and raw I expect an flurry of writing, I won't know how to pace myself, or how to exercise quality control. Perhaps it'll be all about him, even though there is so much else to write about, perhaps this blog will die in a few weeks. That's OK. I have no goals or expectations.

Frank is gone and now I am left to face myself and my marriage, for better and for worse.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kagero :) I'm practising my nvc reflecting skills on what you share in your blog. If you're uncomfortable with this, please do say so, and I can stop or adjust in some way that would be pleasing for you.

    You're welcome to correct my guesses (yes! pure guesses, i don't pretend to know what is really truly going on for you, or to understand you better than you understand yourself :)

    What I'm hearing in this blog post is that there's quite a lot of pain for you in the two relations that you mention. You're really longing to be heard and seen and taken into consideration and for your needs to matter. Sounds like you're wanting tenderness and care, both emotionally and physically, as well as mutuality and connection with Ted and Frank.

    There seems to be a lot of sadness and loneliness accompanying your longing to be seen and heard in these relations.

    Is my understanding of your words, close to what you wanted to say?

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